The Day I Died.... R.I.P. Dad

Daddy, you were the best daddy in the whole wide world. Now that you've left, my world is gone. Words can't describe how I feel or what I would do just to see you for one more day, one more minute, one more second. I can't. I just can't believe that you're not here anymore. I don't know if I can take seeing you lie there in a casket, lifeless and breathless. Yes, I know heaven is way better than Earth but why now? Why? I'm hurt...I can't stop the tears from falling, the knot in my throat won't go away, I don't know what to do. I am hurting yet I'm numb. I can't even finish this...it will never be ok that you're gone. Nobody knows how to handle this and neither do I. I miss you soooooo much Daddy and I love you.

ttyl

An Update To My Life

I know it's been a LONG TIME. My life has been a little hectic but I'm glad to still be here. I'm just gonna say out with the old and in with the new. I am very thankful to have a BEST FRIEND whose name happens to be MeLan Kameyo White. She is like the greatest ever!!! I love you girl!! I am happy to finally have a stable place to stay and I kinda talk to my mom every once in while. I got a job! As a matter of fact I have two now!! Oh yeah!! Homecoming is this Saturday and I am oh so prepared to STRUT into that room looking oh so fabulous with my bestie. I can't wait. We are soooooo flyy. It's so much that has happened to me in these past few months but I'm good you guys. I'm BACK IN ACTION.

[ Glam.Fabulous.Fashion.Dive.Me ]

Dating?? Really?? Q and Dawn

I saw the videos. I mean come on now people. Dawn from Danity Kane and Qwanell from Day26 are official? No, not yet but I mean when you in each other videos, kissing all on national tv, caught together outside in public all lovey dovey and stuff that doesn't mean you're dating right? Hey, they could wanna be like Jay-Z and Beyonce'. Keep they relationship on the low low and deny it forever and then one day end up married. { lol } They are so cute together. Even though she's about to be 26 and he's only 20 I mean that's okay right? Age ain't nothing but a number. Welp, I don't usually try to be all up in the celebrity's business but they are soooooo uber cute! lol

I guess it's getting better right?

So I'm like super happy to see my sister. { YAY } Me and her have been staying with my Auntie. I like it over here. No, I haven't talked to my mom in a couple months or my dad. Well, I gotta look out for myself so I'm good. I just found out one of my friends stays like right around the corner so he introduced me to a bunch of people. They cool, and funny! LOL They was at my house till like 1 clowning. Oh, and I want my free doughnuts! {{ INSIDER }} So anyways, I had my interview with Hollister, that went pretty well, and American Eagle will be hiring at the end of August and so will Aeropostale. Oh yeah! Hopefully I get a call back. Shoutouts to my Honey Bunches...lol

Until then fellow bloggers... ♣♣♣ Dueces ♣♣♣

Can somebody HIRE ME??... please?

So today I went out looking for more jobs. I applied to like EVERYTHING, and when I say everything I even mean HALLMARK and the YANKEE CANDLE store. {{ LOL }} That's how desperate I am. Tomorrow I have another interview with HOLLISTER. This will be the 2nd time so I mean seriously, would they really turn me down....AGAIN?! {{ LOL }} I hope it goes well. I can't wait. I have more jobs in the line though so I'm ready for whoever calls. So can somebody HIRE ME...please?

My bro bro Merlin and his friend Maurice. =]

So Monday I went to the mall with Merlin and Maurice. It was fun. {{ lol }} I'm mad we was in Pac Sun and Merlin decides to say he wants a two piece bikini. LOL Shouldn't that be for me? haha They picked out a new style of pants to wear. You know those pants from Hot Topic that fit kinda slim, not to slim though. They are cute on them might I add. Then Maurice got some shoes for his little sister. Pastry's! They so cute. So we in the car clownin, you know we was banging that Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl. Now Riece and Merlin actin like two fools and people was lookin at us and stuff while we in the car driving. We stopped at a red light and this girl looked over at us like we was crazy! {{ LOL }} She has no clue. We was clowning. But anyways, that was a good day. I got out the house ya DIGG. LOL >>>> Lemme stop.

So... Rihanna = Grammy's

Ok, so I been thinking. I have wanted to be Rihanna for the grammy's for the longest. She is the ish!! Fa real. The girl got it going on. I will really fit the part when I get my new do! [ lol ] I been wanting to change up my hairstyle for the longest, you can ask anybody!! haha

The only problem is my best friend wants to be her too. No what do I do? >>> Darnit!

Does it end...really?

I've been thinking. I just wanna know why does stuff have to end. If you think about it, everything ends, nothing lasts forever. Why? One example is when people get married. I'm not saying that this happens to everybody cuz I know it doesn't. First it starts off all happy and lovey dovey, all caked up and whatnot and then stuff slowly starts to crumble. Why does stuff change? Why does it have to be that way? What happens to people? Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, not a few years, few months or even a few days. Yeah I said it, a few days. { I know right? } And I know it hurts them so bad when they try so hard to make it work and it just doesn't. Or for instance, my cousin is a lawyer in Chicago. She's been working at a top notch law firm for about a good 9-10 years. She is one of the best female lawyers in her city and she has been trying to make partner for quite sometime now. No matter how hard she tries, she prays she does everything she possibly can. She's been working her { excuse my language } ASS OFF and it's men who have less seniority than her and they making partner already. Why? Sometimes I wonder why when you want something so bad and you do so well you don't succeed. That ish hurts man...fa real. Just some stuff that's been on my mind. >>>>>Think about it.

Two can go Grazy

Have you ever met somebody that can just mess you up? I mean this in a good way. I been noticing some of my friends lately and it's like they have someone that they just go crazy over. I also mean crazy in a good way. They just can't be without them, well actually they can they have for 17 years but you know what I mean. They be all lovey dovey and blah blah blah. I'm like damn, is the single life for me? haha I'm good though. Just wondering. Have you and your bf/gf went crazy yet? hahaha

Love Is You

This song is so beautiful to me. The lyrics, the tempo, the style, everything about it. Most people don't even know what love is these days and they use the word like it's gonna go out of style. So when you say you love somebody, sit back and think about it. Why do you love them, what makes you love them, how strong is your love for them? Don't mistake LOVE for LUST. What your definition?

LOVE IS YOU by Chrisette Michele

What's your definition of it?

How does it make you feel?

Tell me what you say that truly makes it real

Kings and Queens, Philosophers have tried so hard to find

Tell me what it means to you dear, nevermind

Love is kind when the world is cold

Love stays strong when the fight gets old

Love's a shoulder to lean on

Love is you

Love's like the water when the well runs dry

Quench my thirst, keep me alive

Just need one sip baby Love is you

Love is you, love is you, Love is you, love is you

Is it possible, there is a kiss that's so divine

Or am I just a fool, is it all in my mind?

Is there something chemical

A scientist might say

Well love must be a drug to make me feel this way

Cause love's my permission to be who I am

No inhabitions cause you understand

Freedom to breathe oh baby

Love is you

Love's like a kiss when the sun goes down

Holds me tight when no one's around

Love's what I want to hold on to Love is you

Love is you, Love is you, Love is you, Love is you, Love is you, Love is you, Love is you

Love is kind, it makes me stronger

I don't have to look no longer

You're the one I cling to Love is you

When the chips are down

Love will stick around

I'm so glad I found

Love is you

As much as I've tried to clarify

Love's quite simple, he's just my guy

Perfect definition

Love is you

Love is you, love is you

Love is you... is you...

Things Could Be Worse...So SMILE

Even though I've been going thru some crazy stuff lately, today I thought about it and I mean there's no reason to sit around and be all depressed and stuff cuz things could be so much worse. So I realized that I have to live life everyday no matter what happens. I am still alive and well. So yay! I'm upset that my best friend in the whole wide world is moving to Alabama so I don't even know what to do. This is our SENIOR YEAR. We were supposed to go thru our senior together. But hey, on the bright side of things, WE STILL HAVE COLLEGE. OH YEAH! I just found out some good news too, it's about my living situation as some of u may already know but I don't wanna say anything yet cuz I have to make sure that it's for certain. So I will have to hold off on that one. And what's up with all these rumors talking about Lindsay Lohan has a GF?? WTF?? Anyways, that was like totally off subject, but overall, my summer may be going a little bit hectic but oh well. I'm enjoying it still!!

I'm just living this thing called [[ LIFE ]]. ♣♣♣ DUECES ♣♣♣

What do I do now?

Hey, I know it's been a while since I blogged. My life has been a little crazy. I don't live with my mother anymore. She kicked my sister out too. I now live with my best friend, which won't be for long if her parents ship her off to Alabama. I haven't heard from my mom since she kicked me out over 2 weeks ago. I just found out my sister will be staying with her boyfriend's mom so that's a big relief. I am so happy Steph let me stay with her and MeLan. I know I have people who love me and a family {I think} so why do I feel so ALONE?? Well anyways, that will be in my upcoming blog. I am looking for some jobs too! yay! Hopefully I get hired. ( That's a whole nother story ) As far as a love life, do I still have one of those?? haha Sike naw, but I am still feeling this guy but where do we stand? IDK But anyways, I would write more but at the moment I don't feel like typin everything that has been going on. So Dueces, until then, I'm outty!

New blog ----> Coming SOON

I have a FULL TIME SISTER!

YAY! I can't believe I will be moving in PERMANENTLY with my bestest sister in the whole wide world << MELAN >>. I can't wait. It's gonna be soooo { UBER } FUN! We'll to be so FABULOUS and FLYY 24 hours 7 days a week! I love her soooooo much and I can't wait. iHAVE a NEW Full time sister! YAY!

The fun starts tomorrow when we go JOB HUNTING at the MALL....all FRIGGIN DAY! Oh yeah!

Love you bestest! What would I do without youuuuuu!

Stuff Happens... {{♥♥}}

Today was good and not so good. I saw him... (yay!) =] but then {{oh wow}}...I won't even put it up here because for one it's waaaay to EMBARRASSING and I don't want the whole world to know. Just know that it's not good at all really. But it's not like stuff like this happens on a regular basis. I kinda thought about some stuff too. So today I told him how I felt. I told him I was starting to catch a little feelings, and so is he. Too bad he's only going to be here for like another month then he's going BACK TO COLLEGE. He's not that far though so we'll see what happens. Hopefully it turns out in my favor. =] So as far as what happened today, I won't worry about it anymore. I mean...stuff happens right? So I'll just PUT A SMILE ON like he says and it'll be okay. =] I hope to see him soon. ♥

----> I can't stop thinking of him... ♥♥♥

Just some thoughts...

Yesterday was GREAT. I saw.....HIM. He's quite amazing might I add. Those light brown eyes put me a in a daze. The slightest touch from him is like...*whoa*. Yeah, I can't even put in words. But I mean, I can't fall for him....not yet. I'm not setting myself up for something that may not be what I think it is. { LOL } He is however a really cool guy.

On the other hand, I think I'm [ addicted ] ... to LOVE. Maybe I think about it more than others do that are in my age range or maybe I just yearn for it because I don't have it. LOVE is so beautiful. FOR EXAMPLE, I feel loved from my sister ---> MeLan {{ The coolest chick in the effin world }}, but that's not the same TYPE OF LOVE I'm talking about. Having someone by your side at all times thru anything you know, like that other half. The one you can't stop thinking about, the one you can talk to on the phone with for hours at a time. The one you can call at 4 in the morning just because you need someone to talk to and HE WILL ACTUALLY PICK UP. The guy that makes u smile when not a DAMN THING IS FUNNY. The person that will call you BEAUTIFUL at YOUR WORST and knows every little thing about you. The one that no matter how many times he has kissed you, everytime he does YOU STILL FEEL WEAK and you get butterflies. When you see him your adrenaline starts to RUSH and you can't help but smile at the fact that HE IS YOURS. The one person you find AMAZING. The one that no one else can compare to. He shows u off to all his friends, sends u that RANDOM sweet little text during the day just to let you know HE CARES. The guy that will pick you up just so you won't have to step in the rain puddle and get your CHUCKS wet. ♥ The one who will bring you lunch on HIS LUNCH BREAK if you ASK him or he will DRIVE ALL THE WAY from wherever he is at JUST TO SEE YOU. The guy who holds you tight and WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG.....HE KNOWS. The person who looks you in your face and tells you everything will be okay when you're at your weakest. I can go on and on but I think you get the picture. Now you may think I am taking this a bit TO FAR, but whose to say GUYS LIKE THIS don't exist, maybe you're just LIKE ME and haven't found him yet. ---> faith <---

Go for it?? .... I am so happy for my sister!!! ♥

They say if you want something then go for it right?? Is that always true? I mean, what if what you're going for is never intended for you or you may never actually be able to acquire it but you think you can so you go for it. And when you do, YOU FAIL. Then what do you do? Have you ever thought about that? But I won't let that get me down. ---> NO FEAR <--- But anyways, I am so happy for my sister!!! ♥ She has found someone who truly appreciates her and I am so happy for that. She has been going thru some stuff this year and for her to be treated right is so good. No more worries! YAY Sister!!!! And if he breaks her heart I will bash his effin face in and break his skateboard! { LOL } I may be laughing but I'm serious though.

Now as for me....yeah, I'll get to that later.

Now I am about to get back to the BET Awards!!! You need to be watching too. ♣ Dueces ♣

Feelings [ ? ] ♂ ♀

♂ ♀ Feelings...

OK, I guess I have to admit it. I am starting to like him but then again I'm trying to stop myself too. Sometimes I hate getting myself into situations where I don't know what the outcome will be. Sometimes they always say if you don't have any feelings you can't get hurt right? Girls [ ♀ ] are very different from guys. [ ♂ ].Especially when it comes to feelings. Have u ever liked someone who didn't feel the same way or you didn't know how they felt at all? Then, when u do find out how they feel, it's not what you thought it was. Well, I surely have and I know I don't wanna go through that again, ever. In a way this is kind of funny because beside this one { asshole } from a while ago, I haven't had any interest in anyone and then he comes along. Now this one guy, I won't say no names, lol, took me out, met my mom, spent all this time with me and everything. Yeah, he was cool, I liked him and then all of a sudden he ends up with a GF and I haven't heard from him since!! What kind of stuff is that?? This is what I am trying to avoid. Of course it's natural to catch some type of interest for someone. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to rush into anything but I just don't want to end up looking stupid in the end like last time. I say this because, we've been out once and he came over but that doesn't mean he likes me right? So I don't wanna get all "geeked up" [ LOL ] and then get my feelings hurt IF I find out he doesn't have any type of attraction to me what-so-ever. I know you are prolly thinking why don't I just ask him...well, I am kinda skeptical because I don't want him to get the wrong impression and think I'm trying to rush into things or anything like that. So I think I'll just give it time and wait for him to say something about it. I don't want it to seem like I am thinking so negative and saying that all guys are assholes, or bad people or something like that cuz I don't think that, I just don't want to get my feelings hurt and think that he likes me if he doesn't. Can you blame me?

Yesterday was GREAT. I don't even know where to start. From the moment he stepped foot in my house, the moment we arrive at the movies, and the moment he left {which might I add I didn't want him to}, {{everything was good}}. If I could do it all over again I would. To bad you can't go back in time right? I'm not going to put all my business out there but I mean what can I say, this guy is great. There are times when I thought there were NO MORE respectable young men on this [EARTH] anymore. I can't say that about him. Ok I admit, I am kind of crushing =]. I can go on and on but I think I'll end it right here. The Hulk was a good movie by the way, and the Iron Man came in at the end so you know there's going to be another movie.

Movie tickets for 2 = $20.00
A Large Coke Icee = $4.25
A Great Night with a Great Guy = Priceless

LIFE

Do you ever look at life and wish people could see what you go thru everyday? They try to make stuff better but they can't. All they can do is hope things will get better in due time. This year has been rough for me. I won't get into everything but I can't complain anymore. Life goes on. I am still alive. I am now 17 years old. Yes, there is one thing I am still worried about but all I can do is pray on that issue. However, I have learned that in order to succeed you must know deep within yourself that u can do anything you want to if you just try. Be more optimistic because on some real, it could always be worse. Okay maybe, I don't have the perfect family, but I still love them. I may not be the perfect person and my friends may not be perfect but I still love them too. Life is something that one must live to fullest and be thankful for each day because you only have ONE LIFE. You never know, what is here today may be gone tomorrow. So please everybody, LIVE, LAUGH and LOVE. Be grateful for what you have and if you want something, GO FOR IT. Let nothing, and I mean nothing hold you back. What's a life worth living if you aren't doing everything in your power to BE HAPPY and ENJOY IT. Love the LIFE that you were given.